Dr Paul Allen

Song of Songs 2:10,15 – My beloved speaks and says to me: “Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away…Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards…” There are probably times in every romantic relationship or marriage, especially early on, when you can’t imagine the other person ever hurting or annoying you. But because we’re all human and sinful since the Fall in Genesis 3, this changes at some point in every relationship. In Song of Songs 2, the woman (who we are referring to as Abbi) is making deposits into their relationship by the words she speaks, as the way we speak and act towards each other can be described as deposits and withdrawals, similar to a bank account. We want to make many, many deposits so that the withdrawals, or tough conversations, can be in a more relational context and hopefully not sting so much. She calls Solomon “my beloved” (2:8-10) and says things like “…your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.” (2:14) In the very next verse, ...

Looking around today it is quite difficult to find a couple who is dating wisely. Many people sleep together (even some within the church), and those who don’t, seem to get to the point where they are acting married soon after they begin their relationship. Some spend far more time together than most married couples do. They text each other dozens of times a day, they have most meals together and they spend full days together. They may call each other names of endearment, and talk about the kind of furniture they want to buy for their home together.  Maybe they refer to each other as “my guy” or “my girl” before there is any real commitment. And even if they are staying sexually pure there can still be areas that need to be re-evaluated within their relationship. Of course, there must be time spent together in order for them to get to know each other to determine whether they ought to marry. I don’t know your heart or situation, nor am I the Holy Spirit , all people in a...

" Husbands , love your wives and do not be bitter toward them."  (Col.  3:19 , NKJV )  When God says, "Husbands, love your wives," he speaks of the woman as a complex being. He calls every man to love his whole wife just as every man loves his whole self (Eph.   5:29 ). This means that a husband must do all he can to understand his wife's world. What follows are eight admonitions to love our wives with respect to their various facets. 1. Love Her Heart—Emotional Love The Bible uses the word "love" over 350 times. Almost 10% of these times are in the Song of Solomon (which comprises less than 0.5 percent of Scripture). One thing we learn from this is that a husband should use words to express his love for his wife. "Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away! O my dove…let me see your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely" (Song  2:10 ). I know of no woman who wouldn't love to hear her...

2010 research study published in the Journal of Family Psychology that found couples who delay sex until after marriage actually improve their marriages. The study surveyed 2,035 married couples and asked them about their initial sexual experience together (before or after the wedding). Of the 2,035 couples, only 336 couples reported waiting until they got married to have sex. The largest group of couples had sex within a few weeks of dating, and 126 couples had sex prior to dating. Examining the data, the three researchers concluded that waiting to have sex until after marriage actually improved the relationship — for both men and women — in four key areas: 1. Sexual quality 2. Relationship communication 3. Relationship satisfaction 4. Perceived relationship stability According to the study, people who waited until marriage rated sexual quality 15 percent higher than people who had premarital sex ; rated relationship stability 22 percent higher; and rated satisfaction with their ...

Rembrandt's depiction of Samson's marriage feast (Photo credit: Wikipedia ) Many, perhaps most, couples will be entering their marriages with expectations that are inconsistent to reality. It is only a matter of time when reality catches up to their relationship. Houses do not long stand when their foundations are gone. This much can be assured in marriage - in time the winds will come and the water will rise. Only those marriages with a firm foundation based on reality will survive. This becomes abundantly clear when reading the first chapter of Tim and Kathy Keller’s book,  The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God . Two things are true about society’s attitudes toward marriage. First is a growing skepticism over the validity of the  institution of marriage . The  Pew Research Center  found in 2010 that  nearly 40 percent of Americans believe that marriage is becoming obsolete . And many, particularly the youn...

Image via Wikipedia Too many pundits tell us that if we want to have a successful marriage we need to make Jesus the center of it. He is the glue, the center, the guide. There is wisdom here, but also danger. Is Jesus a means to a happy marriage? No, He is the end. Jesus does not exist for our marriages. Rather, our marriages exist for Him. Related articles #255: God's Vision for Marriage (ilovethishusbandandwifestuff.com) Reflections on "Sex, Marriage and Fairytales." (trishadm.wordpress.com) Nate Berkus Will Destroy Your Marriage (riggledo.com) Poem: Sex, Marriage, & Fairytales (withalliamgod.wordpress.com) In Such Cases They are Not Enslaved (?) (arightscepter.com) Family Life in Heaven (new.exchristian.net) 7-Critical Prayers during Marriage conflict (9millionvoices.com) Marriage conflict? Use this 3-point prayer (9millionvoices.com) Wednesdays Are For Women: Ministry, Marriage, Mistresses, Jesus by Trisha Davis (sharpenher.wordpress.com) Rev....

Image via Wikipedia Glenn T. Stanton has made a career studying the role of families in our society—both as a consultant in the George W. Bush administration and today as director for family formation studies at Focus on the Family . His latest book,  The Ring Makes All the Difference: The Hidden Consequences of Cohabitation and the Strong Benefits of Marriage  (Moody), explores the many downsides of an increasingly popular practice among young couples: living together before marriage. Caryn Rivadeneira, an author and regular contributor to the CT women's blog, Her.meneutics, spoke with Stanton about his research findings and why they matter to men, women, and children. Why did you focus on the scientific data about the dangers of cohabitation, rather than Scripture ? There's a natural theology in creation that we need to observe. My use of science and data is a pounding on the pulpit. As Christians we read out of two books: the book of Scripture and the book of nature. Th...

Hi all, I'm so excited to have Brad Wilcox with us today. As  you've probably heard and read, the rate of American couples who live together without being married are rising dramatically -- it grew 13 percent in 2010 alone.  And while it may be a simpler, more convenient arragement for many couples, that doesn't mean it's without complexity -- especially when the couples break up.   Wilcox's report deals particularly with the ramifications cohabitation can have on children.  We'd love to get your thoughts and questions on this societal shift.  Has it worked for you?  Do you see risks? I'm also working on an upcoming story about the potential pitfalls of cohabitation, so if you have stories you're willing to share, I'd love to hear from you: mccarthye@washpost.com.  Okay, let's get going! –  September 09, 2011 12:58 PM  Permalink Q . Brad, maybe you could start by telling us a little about the report.  Has cohabitation always shown ...