Dumb Jesus Stolen Conspiracy

The Coronavirus pandemic has brought much destruction to the health and wealth of the world. Our lives have changed dramatically and will be affected for the unforeseeable future. 

It has also brought about a whole lot of conspiracy theories. Some that might have at least a tiny bit of truth in them and others that can only be described as plain dumb. But nothing I’ve seen can come close to compare to the dumbest conspiracy theory in history. 



I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. It happened about two thousand years ago. The story goes that eleven men stole a dead body in the middle of the night from a well-guarded tomb and began spreading the rumour that this man had been raised from the dead.

The Bible though tells us exactly what happened.  

An angel appeared, removed the stone, and the two guards who were there fainted at the sight of the angel.  Perhaps fearful for their lives instead of going to the governor, they sought advice from the priests, and in Matthew 28:13-14, we find out what they are told to do.

“You are to say, ‘His disciples came during the night and stole him away while we were asleep.’ If this report gets to the governor, we will satisfy him and keep you out of trouble.”  

Think about it. Imagine one of these guards runs into a friend, let’s call him a very unintelligent friend. He has heard about the fact that this Jesus is no longer in His tomb. So, he asks the guard what happened to Jesus?

The soldier says, “His disciples came during the night and stole Him away  while we were asleep.” 

The unintelligent friend says, “I’m so sorry that happened to you, I hope you don’t get in trouble!” 

Fast forward a couple of minutes and another friend arrives. He asks the same question, the soldier responds with his lie, and the friend who’s a bit smarter (but not by much) than the last says, 

“How did 11 men come in the middle of the night to move a huge stone right beside you and you didn’t wake up?” 

Fast forward a couple minutes and the final friend shows up. He asks the same question, the soldier responds with his lie, and the friend whose brain is working normally says, 

“If you were sleeping then you have no idea what happened. You are either guessing or most likely you are lying! What really happened?” 

It is without a doubt the dumbest conspiracy in history.

And yet, Matthew 28:15 is in the Bible!  So, the soldiers took the money and did as they were instructed. And this story has been widely circulated among the Jews to this very day.  There are some conspiracy theories out there that make you wonder how can people actually believe this stuff?

But this one is the biggest headscratcher of them all. 

It had been circulated up to the day Matthew wrote those words? People actually believed it! When told this conspiracy, not only did they not laugh but they found it plausible? How is this possible?

Well, sometimes lies are more convenient to be believed than the truth. If Jesus was actually resurrected, then He is God and you must submit to His Lordship.

And the fact of the matter is that those who put the conspiracy together actually knew that Jesus had risen from the dead. There was no doubt in their minds. The Pharisees knew and so did the soldiers. And yet, the Pharisees, instead of repenting and believing, decided to lie in order to hold onto to power, and the soldiers decided to make some money.

I believe that Matthew immediately follows this story with the great commission for one simple reason, that people cannot believe through miracles, but only through hearing the Gospel.

The fact that Jesus only appeared to people who believed in Him is baffling to many but it proves the previous point. 

• Why wouldn’t He show up to this meeting between the soldiers and Pharisees and instantly shoot down this dumb conspiracy theory? 
• Why wouldn’t He appear to more than just 500 people including all the sceptics? 
• Why wouldn’t He appear today when everyone has a camera and a Facebook account to show the world? 

Because God has ordained, in His infinite wisdom, to save people through the proclamation of the Gospel instead of through the performing of miracles. Miracles, though they had the ability to validate the message of the apostles for a short time, had no ability to convince a hard heart to believe. Instead, Jesus removes Himself, leaving the Holy Spirit who works through the words of His people as they go into all the world to make disciples. 

It is so important for us to believe this truth. The very people who knew for a fact that Jesus rose from the dead ended up rejecting Him for temporal things. This proves the fact that it is in the nature of man to reject the Gospel and believe silly conspiracy theories, no matter how much evidence they are shown. This is why the great commission is the only way that people can be saved and it is our duty as His followers to go out and to make disciples.

Author: Cripplegate