Solutions for loosing control during pandemic

HENRY CLOUD ON HOW TO STOP TAKING FAILURE PERSONALLY, HOW TO PREVENT BURNOUT AND BECOME HEALTHIER IN THE MIDST OF A YEAR LIKE 2020, AND HOW TO CHANGE YOUR THINKING FOR THE BETTER


3 INSIGHTS FROM HENRY

1. Focus on controlling what you can control

In normal conditions, we often try to control things—people, circumstances, outcomes, etc. In this unusual time, life can feel especially out of control. When you lose control and you have fewer choices, your brain hits a shutdown mode, and it goes into a known place called learned helplessness. You start to think, “There’s nothing I can do.” That’s why people feel lethargic or can get into a daze. So, Henry says to focus on controlling what you can control.

So, what can you control? You can control yourself. Henry compares it to driving a car. If you’re driving in a snowstorm or rainstorm, that might make the car seem less controllable.

The things you have control over are the steering wheel, the brakes, and the gas. And it might seem we’re in a snowstorm or rainstorm right now, and we can’t control the outcome, but what things about ourselves CAN we control?

2. The 3 P’s

When life does feel out of control, we can shut down. Henry says our brains interpret it as a power outage. And then there’s a power outage, we respond with the three P’s:

We Personalize it
We feel bad, not good enough. We respond with, “Why did I ever think I could do that.” Or, “I should have done that differently.”

It becomes Pervasive
We say things like, “I bet next time it’s not going to be different.” Or, “I don’t know if we’re going to get better.”

We see it as Permanent
So, now hope is gone, and you’re done. And you can’t move, you don’t know what to do.

Henry tells us that we have to then reboot our system.

3. How to reboot your system

If you’re experiencing a loss of control, and you find yourself shutting down, Henry says there are four things we must do to reboot our system:

Get connected in your vulnerability

When you connect with others and share deeply, you realize you are not alone.
Get back in control of what you can control

It’s what we talked about earlier. A simple practice you can do is to make two columns of things you can control and those things you cannot. And, focus on prioritizing the things you can.

Log your thoughts

Realize the negative thoughts you are having are not real thoughts. When your stress hormones go up, the brain emits negative thoughts, because stress hormones are by definition activating the system that fears.
Find some quiet time

Start thinking about your thinking. 

“Have I gotten negative? Have I gotten hopeless? Am I thinking in weird terms? Have I gone critical? Have I gone powerless?”Decatastrophize whatever’s going on so that you can see it in a larger narrative.