6 Lies Culture Wants You to Believe About Aging
For generations, Christians have believed and affirmed the true story that life is a gift from God in all of its stages. Our whole-life pro-life commitment means we believe every person at every stage of life is made in the image of God. We make a conscious commitment to value all of human life, from beginning to end—or from dust to dust, as the centuries-old graveside liturgy expresses it. But we inhabit a world that is dead set on living in a false story of aging—one that values, at most, only the first half of life but does not value its second half of bodily decline.
The Christian whole-life pro-life commitment is beautiful on our lips, but it is more beautiful as it moves to our hands and feet. We assert that all of life is valuable in all of its stages, but do we prove we believe that story by living in a way that reflects this conviction? One of the simplest ways for the modern church to live counterculturally is to embrace, defend, and live as though we value all of life, including the latter parts. But to do so, we must grapple with—and, I believe, reject wholesale—the prevailing attitudes toward decline and death that make up a whopper of a false story. It’s a false story that yields negative consequences for all who embrace it, a false story rooted in how we understand what we were made for and how we relate to time itself.
Here are six lies our culture wants us to believe about aging, and the truth the Bible gives us in response:
1. Aging is a diminishment, a loss of identity.
As abilities decline and roles shift, aging changes us from someone who “is and does” to someone who “was and did.” We used to be employees, supervisors, fit, lean, beautiful, active, parents, spouses, siblings. We become has-beens, marking time until our bodies give out on us.
The Bible instructs that aging is a completion, a deepening of identity. Older men and women are presented as the repositories of a generational wealth that can only be built by the passage of time and, in the case of the believer, by the work of the Spirit. Though the kinds of contributions they make may change over time, “They still bear fruit in old age; they are ever full of sap and green.” (Ps. 92:14) The titles that once fit them may fall away, but their personhood grows deep roots. They contribute a wisdom that only age can yield.
2. The elderly are obsolete.
People don’t just age, they age out. The elderly may still be physically present, but their ability to contribute to or live in a rapidly changing world has more or less ceased. Like pagers and floppy disks and last year’s iPhone, their day of relevance has passed into sunset. Let them collect in communities with other obsolete people, other citizens of the lost world of yesterday. And don’t waste the first half of life, while you still have relevance.
The Bible instructs us that the elderly are invaluable. Their insights and experience make them worthy of honour (Lev. 19:32). Their perspectives matter for the well-being of the family, whether family of origin or family of God. That wisdom and experience should grant them a central place in our lives, rather than a sequestered one. And it keeps them relevant for all of life.
3. Wisdom is found among the young.
Because tech changes so rapidly, the old among us struggle to keep apace. Knowledge moves faster than they do. Younger generations can conflate a lack of current knowledge with a lack of wisdom. How can someone who needs help with her printer have wisdom to lend? Nowhere is this more evident than on social media platforms, where an entire class of faux experts has emerged: influencers whose credentials we take no time to verify dispense the norms by which we are told to order our lives. These influencers are not grey-hairs. Most are still young adults. And very few are marketing the wisdom of age; they are more likely linking us to the newest fountain of youth with an affiliate link.
The Bible instructs us that “wisdom is found among the aged” (Job 12:12), a wisdom of a quality that can only be discovered by the passage of time and the work of the Spirit. That elderly couple who sit behind you at church may not know how to reset their router, but they likely know some invaluable lessons about marriage and parenting. Your grandma who never used sunscreen or had a chemical peel likely knows some secrets about inner beauty, and you need her insights.
The Bible instructs us that aging is a gift to steward. When we read that “gray hair is a crown of glory” we are tempted to laugh (Prov. 16:31). But many never live to gain that crown. Those of us who do gain it receive a form of riches–more time for intergenerational relationships, more time for faithful service to God and others. Yes, old age does erode our health, typically requiring doctor appointments, medications, and care. But even in receiving that care, we are met with God’s sustaining presence (Isa. 46:4). As he graciously does with all consequences of the fall, God works aging for our good. Our aging faces and bodies teach us of a sustaining God.
5. The elderly are a burden.
In our age of radical individualism, most of us conceive of a successful life as one where we grow up to become self-sufficient, leaving dependency permanently behind in childhood. To return to a state of dependency, particularly dependency on our own children, feels like the ultimate failure. Thus, the idea of the elderly as burdensome takes root. Because aging parents are so often vocal about not wanting to be a burden, adult children may take them at their word, only to be surprised or blindsided by caregiving needs when they arise.
The Bible instructs us that the elderly are a sacred charge (Ex. 20:12, cf 1 Tim. 5:8). It anticipates that long life will entail dependency on younger generations. Rather than conceive of caregiving as a downward-only duty, we instead expect that caregiving upward will be a normal, anticipated part of the rhythm of life. We banish the language of burden, both as caregiver and receiver. Caring for the elderly may not be simple or easy, but it is a duty we strive to fulfil out of gratitude. Some of us may not have parents for whom we can reasonably feel grateful, but we seek to care for them as we are able, forgiving where we can, providing where we can.
6. Age is just a number.
You’re only as old as you feel! Pay no attention to a date on a calendar. You don’t look a day over 29. Don’t worry, your biological age is much younger than your chronological age. So say the birthday cards, the BFF’s, and the biohackers.
The Bible instructs us that our days are sovereignly numbered and that we must strive to number them properly (Ps. 90:12). For the believer, aging gracefully is rooted in a distinctly Christian understanding of grace: that the time God gives us is precious and that our awareness of its passing develops wisdom in us. Well-intended platitudes like “Age is just a number” contain a kernel of truth, but they also betray our desire to deny or minimise the passage of time. Age is not just a number. It’s an indicator light on the dashboard of life. If we want to steward the time God has given, we must pay attention to how much we likely have left to steward.
Don’t miss the underlying motivators of these two competing narratives. The world’s false story of anti-aging is motivated by fear: Don’t get old. You’ll be invisible, irrelevant, a has-been, a burden. The Bible’s true story of aging is motivated by joy: Embrace aging. You’ll grow in wisdom, depth, and value. No one is a has-been in God’s family. Which story will you embrace? Your quality of life, your willingness to care for the aging, and your witness to those around you depend on your answer. Aging is the ultimate test of steadfastness. No story but the true one will see us through with dignity and grace.
Jen Wilkin is the author of Dust to Dust: Aging Wisely in an Anti-Aging World.
