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Why did the Christian chicken cross the road?

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Theologians and some significant others explain why the chicken crossed the road  Greg Boyd : It's a possibility that the chicken crossed the road. Rick Warren : The chicken was purpose driven. Mark Driscoll : The chicken crossed because of the rooster's leadership. Rachel Held Evans : We're talking about chickens here, not pigs. Pelagius: Because the chicken was able to. John Piper: God decreed the event to maximize his glory. Irenaeus: The glory of God is the chicken fully alive. C.S. Lewis: If a chicken finds itself with a desire that nothing on this side can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that it was created for the other side. Billy Graham : The chicken was surrendering all. Pluralist: The chicken took one of many equally valid roads. Universalist: All chickens cross the road.  Annihilationist: The chicken was hit by a car and ceased to exist.  Fred Phelps : God hates chickens. Martin Luther : The chicken was leaving Rome. Tim LaHaye : The chicken didn...